For the Hostess That’s The Mostest (A Crash Course in Holiday Gift Giving)

19 Nov
Hello Lovelies!
 
Anne Parker is back again, having survived last week’s crazy storm and thisweek’s snowtopia in NYC.  (Thankfully, I made it out without a scratch but the contents of my fridge have not been so lucky.) And while rain, sleet and snow couldn’t stop me from busily planning out a whole slew of new holiday outfit options, it has derailed my darling assistant, leaving her stranded in Brooklyn with way too much time on her hands and crazy thoughts in her head.
 
“Dave just asked me to come home with him for Thanksgiving to meet his family,” she explained via an overly dramatic text. “Aren’t I supposed to bring a gift for his parents? You know, like a nice bottle of wine or something?”
 
“No, the wine is for you AFTER you meet them, you know, keep them on your good side,” I explained patiently. “The gift should be something thoughtful, but not TOO thoughtful otherwise it looks like you’re trying to suck up. (Was I the only one in the world who obsessed over The Family Stone every Christmas?) “Besides, everybody knows the outfit is more important —who wouldn’t fall in love with perfectly polished girl in gold pants and silk top!
Needless to say (because I had PLENTY to say to say on the topic), I had to fight the urge to draw up a power point presentation on her behalf. Instead, I decided to jump on the DD blog to share some of my valuable insights on the topic. With a list of ex-boyfriends that stretches all the way back to middle school, I’m a veteran when it comes tohostess gifting and thought this handy geographical breakdown that should make your holiday shopping way easier:
 
Midwest: Midwestern moms tend to bleed college colors, enjoy handmade gifts and baby their sons well into their 40s. Wheredoes that leave you? Faking enthusiasm over the Purdue vs. U of M football game and talking about the finer points of bubble painting  vs. bedazzling. To appeal to her nurturing nature you have to appeal to her crafty side: Monogram bar towels from Etsy should do the trick. And yes, it’s fine to hide the price tag when she compliments you on your amazing cross stitch skills.
 
East Coast:  VP by day, micromanager by night, this mom doesn’t have time to cook, let alone contemplate what she’smaking for the holidays. Appeal to her chic culinary expectations by havingFrench holiday macaroons delivered via NYC gourmet food market. Dean & Delucca. From Earl Grey to Fresh Mint and Praline, she’ll have little time to criticize your decision to “live in sin  with her son in the city” if her mouth is full.
 
South: Step away from that drugstore box of candy! Southern moms pride themselves on food, so a small token of your fashion appreciation is a much better option. A cute scarf like this one from Bloomies fits the bill and adds just enough sparkle to remind her of her debutante days (and hopefully make her forget that she always wanted her son to settle down with a girl from Ole’ Miss and not a Yankee with a degree from Boston College).
 
West Coast: She’s totally zen, practices yoga and never met a sweat hut she didn’t like. This granola mama is totally welcoming and ready to share her stash of tofu with you and the extended clan. Fortunately, there’s a pizza place around the corner and a candle that’s both elevated and aroma-yummy. Voluspa’s Lichen and Vevtiver Ceramic Candle is pretty, practical and probably will get you out of having to gather eggs from the grass-fed chickens she keeps to lower her carbon footprint.

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